Joke of the day...

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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby Billie Cowie » Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:55 pm

Bill and Ben are at work at the sawmill when Ben accidentally cuts off his arm. Thinking quickly Bill puts the severed limb in a plastic bag and drives Ben to the hospital.Next day Ben is in the pub throwing darts.
Boy, thinks Bill - that surgeon is amazing!
A few days later Ben cuts off his leg. Bill retrieves it, puts it in a plastic bag and drives Ben to Hospital again.
A week later Ben is playing football. Bill is really impressed this time.
Back at the sawmill, accident-prone Ben cuts off his head. As before Bill picks it up, puts it in a plastic bag and drives Ben to hospital.Next day the surgeon calls to inform Bill his friend Ben is dead. Bill replies-"You did all you could-don't blame yourself Doc ".
" I don't replies the Doctor-I blame you-if you had cut a few holes in the bag then he wouldn't have suffocated to death!"
All that I am or seem is but a dream within a dream.
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby Billie Cowie » Sun Apr 22, 2012 12:09 pm

A policeman pulls over a woman driver for speeding.
Woman " Can I help you officer?"
Officer " Yes, mam,- you were doing 80mph in a 40mph zone.I need to see your driving licence."
Woman " I don't have a licence. I lost it for drunk-driving."
Officer " O.K. in that case ,can I see your car-registration papers?"
Woman " No you can't, this car is stolen. I killed the owner and his dead body is in the trunk!"

Shocked, theofficer calls for back-up and minutes later there are five cars surrounding the woman's car.
An armed Chief Inspector approaches the car cautiously.
Chief Inspector " Open the boot of the car please Madam "
Woman, sighing, " O.K."
The boot is empty!
Chief Inspector " Is this your car Madam?"
Woman " Yes sir,-here are the registration papers" and hands him the documents.
Scratching his head, the Chief Inspector asks to see her driving licence, which she promptly supplies from her handbag.
Chief Inspector " Well Madam, this is a mystery, The police officer who called us told us you didn't have a driving licence or registration papers and that the car was stolen and the owner's dead body was in the car-boot. "
Woman " Oh yeah, - next you'll be telling me the lying bastard said I was speeding too. " :lol:
All that I am or seem is but a dream within a dream.
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby shwnvntr » Sun Apr 29, 2012 11:33 pm

Dear McDonalds cashier: don't give me that look ! There's no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don't forget the toy !!!
MSI KTV4-L AMD XP 2500 Barton
512 Pny Ram DDR333 OC 366
Nvidia GeForce 4 Mx4000 128ram
40G Western(Temp DL), 60G Seagate(XP Boot),
200G Western(Hotswap Cage), 500G Mybook
Liteon DVD16x, CyberDrive CW099D CD-R/RW
Highpoint HPT371 IDE controller Card
Cnet Pro200 PCI Ethernet, HSP56K Modem
Intel USB CS330 webcam, Saitek USB HID P3000 Wireless game pad, Kingwing EZ-Connect
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2006 Imac G5 ppc
2008 Macbook 4.1 (white) OSX 10.7.5
2009 macbook pro 5.5 OSX 10.10.5
Dell optiplex 320
Raspberry Pi2-b, 32g mSD, 4port usb hub- daisy-chained keyboard and mouse
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby shwnvntr » Sun Apr 29, 2012 11:34 pm

Officer, the only reason I'm speeding is because I'm late to work ... and stopping me for 15 minutes to give me a ticket is only going to make me speed even more so I’m not later !
MSI KTV4-L AMD XP 2500 Barton
512 Pny Ram DDR333 OC 366
Nvidia GeForce 4 Mx4000 128ram
40G Western(Temp DL), 60G Seagate(XP Boot),
200G Western(Hotswap Cage), 500G Mybook
Liteon DVD16x, CyberDrive CW099D CD-R/RW
Highpoint HPT371 IDE controller Card
Cnet Pro200 PCI Ethernet, HSP56K Modem
Intel USB CS330 webcam, Saitek USB HID P3000 Wireless game pad, Kingwing EZ-Connect
8Gpny thumbdrive(Linux ext4)

2006 Imac G5 ppc
2008 Macbook 4.1 (white) OSX 10.7.5
2009 macbook pro 5.5 OSX 10.10.5
Dell optiplex 320
Raspberry Pi2-b, 32g mSD, 4port usb hub- daisy-chained keyboard and mouse
shwnvntr
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby shwnvntr » Sun Apr 29, 2012 11:36 pm

Has anyone seen my jacket? It's white, with huge sleeves, that make you hug yourself, with a cute belt.

that should make 3 posts.. thanks...
MSI KTV4-L AMD XP 2500 Barton
512 Pny Ram DDR333 OC 366
Nvidia GeForce 4 Mx4000 128ram
40G Western(Temp DL), 60G Seagate(XP Boot),
200G Western(Hotswap Cage), 500G Mybook
Liteon DVD16x, CyberDrive CW099D CD-R/RW
Highpoint HPT371 IDE controller Card
Cnet Pro200 PCI Ethernet, HSP56K Modem
Intel USB CS330 webcam, Saitek USB HID P3000 Wireless game pad, Kingwing EZ-Connect
8Gpny thumbdrive(Linux ext4)

2006 Imac G5 ppc
2008 Macbook 4.1 (white) OSX 10.7.5
2009 macbook pro 5.5 OSX 10.10.5
Dell optiplex 320
Raspberry Pi2-b, 32g mSD, 4port usb hub- daisy-chained keyboard and mouse
shwnvntr
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Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2012 11:22 pm
Location: Just north of UE Kingdom
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby shwnvntr » Mon Apr 30, 2012 12:34 am

Thanks...
can someone help me out this jacket? :shock:
MSI KTV4-L AMD XP 2500 Barton
512 Pny Ram DDR333 OC 366
Nvidia GeForce 4 Mx4000 128ram
40G Western(Temp DL), 60G Seagate(XP Boot),
200G Western(Hotswap Cage), 500G Mybook
Liteon DVD16x, CyberDrive CW099D CD-R/RW
Highpoint HPT371 IDE controller Card
Cnet Pro200 PCI Ethernet, HSP56K Modem
Intel USB CS330 webcam, Saitek USB HID P3000 Wireless game pad, Kingwing EZ-Connect
8Gpny thumbdrive(Linux ext4)

2006 Imac G5 ppc
2008 Macbook 4.1 (white) OSX 10.7.5
2009 macbook pro 5.5 OSX 10.10.5
Dell optiplex 320
Raspberry Pi2-b, 32g mSD, 4port usb hub- daisy-chained keyboard and mouse
shwnvntr
U.E. Newbie
U.E. Newbie
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2012 11:22 pm
Location: Just north of UE Kingdom
Operating System: Microsoft Windows



Re: Joke of the day...

Postby smeterlink » Sun Jun 16, 2013 1:23 am

I do not know if this qualifies as a prank, but you can watch StarWars on a shell !

Code: Select all
telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby attorneyriffic » Sat Aug 09, 2014 6:55 am

Good joke. I like this joke.
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby 1heyman » Sat Feb 10, 2018 7:06 am

hi i am new user
We offer Fine Home Furniture and Accessories for your home, office, condominium or rental property, Visit our store & buy Home Decor & Modern Furniture Online.
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