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Ultimate Edition Forum • View topic - Joke of the day...
Page 1 of 6

Joke of the day...

PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 8:04 pm
by TheeMahn
Mr. Miester and I were chewing the fat about Ultimate Edition OZ and he said they have a joke of the day, excellent idea Blackwolf & I am sorry to include you in the Joke. No pun intended to those involved. I hope you can take a joke.

Ok here we go...

Blackwolf, Meister, JohnnyG & I were working on my car. I asked The gentlemen if they would like a beer, Meister being the lush he is said sure he earned his name as Meister as in "beer Meister". That being said I took a journey to the house to grab 4 beers, as soon as I got to the house I heard a large explosion turned to see my car burning and all my friends dead.

A week went by and I felt gloomy over the whole situation, a month. 6 months. An angel of lord came to me and said it has been 6 months why do you still feel so bad. I answered well they were all my good friends. She said would you feel better if you had the opportunity to say your last respects. I said yes, that would be great. She snapped her fingers and we were in heaven. I said wheres my buddy JohnnyG. She said walk with me.

We walked down corridor after corridor of white doors, finally she came to a door and said Johnny is behind this door. When I opened the door I nearly had a heart attack he was in there sleeping with a big fat nasty girl. I was Like what is going on here? The angel informed me he was paying for his sins he committed while he was on earth. We said our goodbyes and I asked where is my buddy Blackwolf? She once again said follow me. So we did the same corridor after coridor of white doors, and the same Blackwolf is behind this door.

The shock was not as bad as I understood what was going on, but I must say evidently Blackwolf had been a larger sinner then JohnnyG was. Same situation in goodbyes and I asked Where is my buddy Meister? She said we will be walking for quite the stretch and off we went. Funny situation as before white door after white door, then they turned red. I did not think anything of it at the time. Finally after hours of walking we arrived to the door the angel said Meister was behind.

When I opened the door to my surprise Meister was sleeping with the hottest woman I have ever seen, I mean Victoria Secrets model type. I was astonished and said WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?!? The angel said Oh, no you have it all wrong, she is paying for her sins she committed while she was on earth.

:)

Re: Joke of the day...

PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 8:21 pm
by Meister
LMAO Tomorrow is your day

Re: Joke of the day...

PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 1:43 am
by pclinuxguru
Let's not forget the

Star trek virus - your CPU reports it is 100,000 ghz and your hard drive reports 1 billion terabytes

Your start up sound says , giving it all she's got captain - at shut down she says - I need full power or we are all dead.

Set the cores to performance and you get warp speed sound. Every click of the mouse makes a photon torpedo sound as it vaporizes your files haha

All for free

Good ones guys

Re: Joke of the day...

PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:21 am
by TheeMahn

Re: Joke of the day...

PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 12:15 pm
by Meister
Thee i told you today was yours so with out further a-due i give you my retaliation:

So Thee decides to move and enjoy a warmer climate and better view, so he decides to join a nudest colony. After a two hour orientation, in which Thee sat in the back and went over changes for Ultimate Edition 3 in his head, he is released and shown to his bungalow. After putting away his things Thee decides that a nice swim at the beach would help him relax. Walking down the path to the beach he sees a young gorgeous blond walking up the path. While watching her walk he becomes aroused , he starts to look at the trees and anything to get rid of his arousal. He glances to see if she noticed and yep she was walking straight for him now, she approaches Thee and says "you called" to which Thee replied "no what makes you think that?". She responds "you must be new here, when you get aroused that means your calling" then proceeds to lead Thee by the hand to a small secluded spot off the path and lies down on her beach blanket and allows Thee to have his way with her.

Feeling rejuvenated Thee decides a trip to the sauna would be much better than a swim. So Thee heads to sauna finding a nice spot he sets down and pours a little water over the rocks and gets a good thick wall of steam going. After a few minutes the steam is doing its trick and Thee starts to relax and farts. Looking around quickly as not to be embarrassed Thee notices he can't see much through the steam so neither could anyone else. Then Thee hears the sound of heavy footsteps and from the steam walks a mountain of a man over 6 feet , barrel chested with arms as big as Thee's waist. "You called?" asked the man, Thee quickly glances down and replies "no sir i don't think i did. The big man replies "you must be new here , when ever you fart that means your calling", He then grabs Thee and whips him around and has his way with him.

Afterwards Thee runs for his bungalow gets dressed tosses his things in the luggage and races towards the office. Thee burst in the office and throws his keys and membership card on the desk, "You can keep the deposit and whatever else i am owed, but i am leaving and never returning". Stunned the receptionist says" Theemahn what is wrong do you not like our facilities?" Thee replies " look lady i am 40 years old i get a hard-on once a month but i fart 15 times a day".

Re: Joke of the day...

PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 6:07 pm
by rbyrd1
LMAO That was pretty good Meister

Re: Joke of the day...

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 5:24 am
by fredmobley
Walking past the State Mental Institution, all I could hear were all these voices shouting "13, 13, 13, 13, 13." The fence was too tall to see over to view what all the commotion was about. I saw a small peephole in the fence, and curiosity got the better of me. As I put my eye up to the hole to see what was going on, a finger jabbed me hard in the eye, followed immediately by "14, 14, 14, 14, 14."

Re: Joke of the day...

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 10:27 pm
by Meister
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

Re: Joke of the day...

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 10:39 pm
by pclinuxguru
Sick and outright messed up.

I love it. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: <BREW> <BREW>

Re: Joke of the day...

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 10:44 pm
by pclinuxguru
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"