Joke of the day...

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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby pclinuxguru » Sat Sep 03, 2011 3:36 pm

Adult Joke
Making Love to a Woman
MAKING COFFEE
Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir.. gently, and firmly.

You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.

LAYING A CARPET
Laying a carpet is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her,. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.

HANGING WALLPAPER
Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

PUTTING UP A TENT
Putting up a tent, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'.. slip in to the old bag.

WASHING A CAR
Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.

BEING IN THERAPY
And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You.. get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

BEING IN A CRASH
Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.

GOING FISHING
Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied.

Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby billhedrick » Sat Sep 03, 2011 8:17 pm

I like my coffee, like I like my women, cold and bitter

I like my scotch like I like my women, 18 years old and single
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby pclinuxguru » Sat Sep 03, 2011 8:33 pm

billhedrick wrote:I like my coffee, like I like my women, cold and bitter

I like my scotch like I like my women, 18 years old and single


that answers sooooooooooooooooooo many questions :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby pch.shot » Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:08 am

I like my women like I like my coffee, strong and black.
Systems Windows XP Pro 32 bit & various Linux in Virtual Box and VMWare Player
Intel i7 2600K cpu with built in Intel 3000 video
1 OCZ Vertex 3 120 gig ssd(System)
1 Western Digital 2 Terabyte Green internal hard drive(Storage)
Kingston ddr3 1333 ram(4 gig)
MSI Z68A-GD80(G3)mobo w/hdmi video and optical audio
Realtek HD audio
Realtek lan
1 LG sata optical drive
Antec Sonata IV case/620 watt psu
50 inch LG plasma tv/monitor
Sony surround sound amp
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optical sound
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby billhedrick » Thu Dec 22, 2011 10:31 am

*I* like my coffee like I like my women, cold and bitter.

BONUS:

I like my women like I like my Scotch single and 18
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby pch.shot » Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:45 am

Good one.
Systems Windows XP Pro 32 bit & various Linux in Virtual Box and VMWare Player
Intel i7 2600K cpu with built in Intel 3000 video
1 OCZ Vertex 3 120 gig ssd(System)
1 Western Digital 2 Terabyte Green internal hard drive(Storage)
Kingston ddr3 1333 ram(4 gig)
MSI Z68A-GD80(G3)mobo w/hdmi video and optical audio
Realtek HD audio
Realtek lan
1 LG sata optical drive
Antec Sonata IV case/620 watt psu
50 inch LG plasma tv/monitor
Sony surround sound amp
Axiom speakers
optical sound
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby megaptera » Thu Dec 22, 2011 4:06 pm

I might have gotten away with it if I hadn't ask the cop to hold my beer so i could find my licence & registration.
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby pch.shot » Thu Dec 22, 2011 4:22 pm

Check out the links in your other post.
Systems Windows XP Pro 32 bit & various Linux in Virtual Box and VMWare Player
Intel i7 2600K cpu with built in Intel 3000 video
1 OCZ Vertex 3 120 gig ssd(System)
1 Western Digital 2 Terabyte Green internal hard drive(Storage)
Kingston ddr3 1333 ram(4 gig)
MSI Z68A-GD80(G3)mobo w/hdmi video and optical audio
Realtek HD audio
Realtek lan
1 LG sata optical drive
Antec Sonata IV case/620 watt psu
50 inch LG plasma tv/monitor
Sony surround sound amp
Axiom speakers
optical sound
User avatar
pch.shot
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby Herpy » Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:36 pm

A Windows poem for you all! (ahem!)

Roses are red, my screen is blue

And I am sitting here wondering.......What the @$#! did I do?!
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Re: Joke of the day...

Postby Billie Cowie » Tue Mar 20, 2012 7:49 pm

Nice-but naughty! :lol:
All that I am or seem is but a dream within a dream.
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