Ultimate Edition Forum

OK, everyone likes a good joke .. so 'let'em rip'

Fart Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows
when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'
The old man replied, 'It's fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie score.'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14 .' Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got,

And accidentally craps in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the heck was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides.'

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.



The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.



These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.



Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.



Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.



When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

strider5236 wrote:ROTFLMAO Jebes Crist man, that was funny as hell.

Classic old-man joke!

Well done, Angel!!

LOL!!! That it just too damn funny

LMAO!!! I like the tree joke .. the best ... .good stuff Angel!

Angel:
Never mind the riding crop, You're funny, now I really want to party with you !

A "graphical" joke, taken from xkcd.com

I liked this so much that I ordered a T-shirt of it, I'm wearing it right now...
Gee, it makes me feel so dumb geek!
Ziv

Do you know what windows vista and a submarine have in common? In both cases when you open a window ,you have a problem.

Do you know how to make a romanian homelette? First of all you have to steal some eggs.